Why you should be careful lying to Mallory
by snake screamer
Summary: Or, why Archer, Lana and Ray are careful around unmarked bottles.


"Man i am not going to enjoy this homecoming." Archer sighed.

"I know, when Lana called when she had to leave early when the cover up added Pam to it, i knew your mother would call."

"I'm honestly surprised how many swear words Mrs Archer knows. I guess there is some plus side to old age." Cheryl said

"Archer you know your mother, is there any chance she cool down by now."

"Doubt it. Mother can hold a grudge, remember last year secret santa." Archer said

"Oh right... nearly try to forget what she did to Bert." Ray winced

"Oh i remember that, man she nearly made him a eunich with that fire-axe when she saw his gift... what was it again?" Cheryl asked

"An anger management book for dummies." Ray said

"I think even with the fifth bottle of absinthe i think she would have settle with shooting if it wasn't for the title." Archer said as they stopped car at there office. They got out, went to the elevator, all the while they felt a ominous sense of doom... well Ray and Archer did. Cheryl was thinking thing that would disturb certain people.

"Oh hey guys, how was your trip to see Ray Drug peddler brother." Pam said

"He's a drug farmer!" Ray said annoyed. "And he not even that at the moment, he in prison now, and hopefully if there a SMALL chance he gets out, he will become a miner."

"I'm assuming it did not end well." Pam said

"Remember that intervention that we had for Krieger mad science obsession? it actually went better then that but still ended pretty bad." Archer said annoyed

"Oh he just mad cause he the only one of us that didn't get laid or burn people to stop wounds." Cheryl said

"Right... i think i don't want to know." Pam said "Btw Archer, Ray. Mrs Archer want you in the office."

"Err you mean Archer, me and Cheryl... right?"

"Nope, just you two. She said she said she wanted the masterminds who created this idea. Lana already in btw." Pam said

"Thanks for the info." Archer grumbled as he and Ray marched into Mallory office.

"I should kill all of you now..." Mallory growled

"Oh come on mother, it not like we haven't created elaborate lie before, this is a spy agency afterall." Archer said "Heck you lie to me almost 24/7."

"And the keyword in that sentence is me!" Mallory snapped. "And you! how long do you think you could have pretended to be crippled."

"Well until my brother called i thought it was going to be a year." Ray admitted. "But since i can work, does that mean i get paid normally."

"I have half a mind to eviscerate you!" Mallory snapped she seem to cool down as she added "However, I'm giving you three a choice, either i force you and other into a team building exercise... or you three take the blame and drink a glass of Vodka whole." Mallory said calmly

"... That it?" Ray asked surprised

"That it." Mallory said

"That seems... way to simple..." Lana said suspiciously.

"Lana she obviously gone crazy with anger at the moment, i suggest taking what we get before she snaps out of it." Archer whisper to Lana before saying "We'll gladly accept full blame mother, and we'll gladly drink a bottle of vodka.

"Excellent". Mallory said reaching for her desk and pulling three large glass cups and a unlabel vodka bottle.

"Why does that bottle have no label to it?" Ray asked

"Oh you'll find out." Mallory stated as she each poured the glasses to the brink. "Enjoy."

"Huh, now i'm having second thoughts." Archer said

"Really, is it because your mother look like she about to enjoy a execution." Lana said annoyed

"Little bit." nevertheless they each grabbed a bottle and began drinking. each noted that they more they drink, the more they felt as if there were getting parcher. each began to profusedly sweat. it was only until they were down that they slammed the battle and archer shouted "Holy shit! what the hell in that!" Archer shouted

"My mouth is on fire." Lana groaned.

"What did you give us, you hag? Ray demanded

"Naga Chili Vodka." Mallory said "Incidentally this hot alcoholic drink reaches up to 250,000 in the Scoville Pepper scale."

"You bitch!" Archer whimpered. "Mother why would you do that."

"Oh why are you so mad, FARMERS work so hard for this, and since your now friends with a FARMER i thought you appreciate the hard work of them getting the peppers instead of doing your jobs." Mallory said annoyed

"Your crazy." Ray whispered

"Perhaps. Also, i'm still surprise all three of you are able to talk after drinking that and not clawing your throat in agony at this point." Mallory said as Cyril walked past her office carrying a huge wattle bottle for the water machine.

"Why do we need this, most of the people here only drink-" Cyril didn't get far as all three tackled him. "GYAHH!"

"Omg there attacking Cyrils. and trying to drink from the huge water bottle." an employee seaid

"Fives buck says Lana knocks all three of them out!" Another shouted as a betting pool could be heard forming.

"Hmm, not exactly as i picture but i can live with the results." Mallory stated.

AN: Naga chili vodka is an actual drink. 250,000 Scovilles Naga Chilli Vodka is made by steeping Naga Jolokia chilli pepper in top-quality grain vodka for even longer than the already hot enough 100,000 version! To explain, the Naga Jolokia, or 'ghost chilli', is one of the very hottest chillies in world (officially the hottest as recently as 2009). It's hotter than Law Enforcement-grade Pepper Spray. A scoville meanwhile, is the number of parts water you would have to add to the chilli product in order for the heat to only just be noticeable. Yep, 250,000 parts! This is really, really hot. You have been warned!

seriously you should not drink unless you want your tongue to know a new brand of agony


End file.
